Class Reunions

Every ten years everyone who graduated from high school owes it to themselves to go to their class reunion.

We just returned from my spouses, and we had a great time. Now being the spouse of the person who is attending the reunion can be a drag, but in our case we went to the same high school, I was a sophomore when these guys were seniors, so I had no trouble at all having conversations with dozens of people I had known as a kid.

Since my husband and I are from the same town, we grew up doing the same things, from different elementary and junior high schools, and we didn't know each other until he was in college, really, but we do share that same home town experience. So did 100 other people in the room with us at his class reunion.

I have to tell you, there is something SO COMFORTABLE about conversing with people who are the same age and are from the same town and who experienced the same high school experiences as you did. It's always interesting to hear the different perspectives that they have from that time, and to hear about where they are now.

Reunion events have changed through our experiences going back. The earlist reunion - 10 years - was well-organized, well attended, included a tour of the high school, a golf tournament, a casual mixer, and a formal banquet with lots of dancing. We stayed up all night with friends, had breakfast at Perkins together and caught a 7 a.m. flight back to Denver. That was fun.

We weren't even sure we had been to Mark's 20th reunion, but he was in the picture they had displayed this year, so I guess we were there. That reunion was probably the most elegant, fairly expensive, and not as well attended. There was a formal banquet, slide show from the past, and dancing to music from the 70s. Everyone had kids and people were slightly more pretentious than they'd been in their 20s. We don't remember it very well, and I don't remember it as being really fun.

So when the time came to go to the 30th reunion, Mark decided he didn't want to go. He decided early. And he didn't undecide and decide to go until the weekend before the party. But we went. And I'm so glad we did.

This was the most casual of the reunions. We're all old. Some look just like they did in high school (my husband included) and they look good. You know those girls had been dieting for six months and it showed. They looked great. I don't think guys do that. But I think some get new clothes and did take an interest in putting their best foot forward. No pretentiousness. It was literally come as you are. Maybe 25% of the class was there. The ones there had fun. Lots of beer flowed, apple wine made at a classmate's winery flowed, food from a classmates Italian restaurant, including pies (what they apparently call pizza in Iowa now) enmasse. Very casual, very nice, very fun.

But where was everyone else? If 75% of the class doesn't show up...

Sadly, 5% are no longer living. That's a staggering number to me. 21 people. All under 50. The pictures were all there on the wall at both parties. Participants in the festivities who were missed and honored. Cancer, accidents, drugs, booze. Gone. There are more every decade. Several of those pictured surprised us. It is very sad.

But still, 70% didn't come. Why not?

It could be that the high cost of travel kept the 116 out of staters from attending. Whenever we asked "Where's So-So" the answer was "Florida," or "Buffalo," or "Austin." There had been three foreign exchange students in the class, and they weren't there, but there was a really nice photo from the yearbook and a poster with an e-mail from a girl from Japan. She wrote that she hoped people from the class would e-mail her. I hope they took pictures of her picture with them and sent them to her. She was a part of the festivities. Not a lot of people knew her, but she was missed.

Organizers told us there are 190 classmates still in the town, another 110 somewhere in the state (and Iowa is a small state). That accounts for most of the people there, but even if that's 60 people, where were the other 240 that live within easy driving distance in the town or state? Why didn't they come? I'm sure a certain percent, let's say 10% are "missing" with bad addresses or some reason why they can't be found. There are still lots more people who aren't there.

Could it be the ones who got picked on in high school didn't come? Could it be the ones that really wanted to come but had weddings or family event or vacations planned at the same time? Were there people who couldn't afford to come? The whole weekend cost something like $35. When coupled with a tank of gas is that asking too much? Maybe.

I don't know why the people didn't come. Maybe the ones who don't party and don't condone drinking don't come because they expect people to be loud and obnoxious. It was loud, but I didn't see anyone being obnoxious. And there's no smoking in Iowa, so that wasn't an issue. I don't think that anyone who didn't drink should have been offended by the environment. It was very pleasant and congenial. So why didn't they come?

Well, whatever the reason, they missed a good party, and had they come, they would have been welcomed and would have talked to people they possibly didn't even know 30 years ago. I know I did. And my husband did. Everyone was nice. Everyone was proud of their kids and had great stories to share. Some were divorced. None spoke of that with glee. But everyone laughed., or at least smiled. A lot. We ate well. We learned a lot about each other. A table full of us spouses even solved the world's energy crisis with our discussions while the classmates were out having their photos taken. It was interesting. A reunion of like souls, a concentrated demographic all in one place. It was a fascinating focus group.

Funny thing, it wasn't even my class. It was just a lot of nice people who went with a great attitude to see who would show up. If you didn't show up, you were missed. I wish people thought about that before they chose to not attend.

So go to your class reunion. If you don't show up, you will be missed. It's not that scary. Sure, we were nervous, but there wasn't any real reason to be. Go to your class reunion. You don't have to stay long if it's a bust, but I can practically guarantee it will be good for at least a few laughs. It's a fellowship that only comes around half a dozen times in your life. Take advantage of it. That's my advice for the day.