We all know kids say the darndest things. They ask questions, and as parents we're supposed to answer them because it's our job to be their first and most important teacher.
Yesterday, as I burned the morning toast for the second time in as many weeks, my 14 year old looked at me and with a pensive, serious, almost concerned expression on his face he asked, perhaps more rhetorically than to me, "Why do they put a setting on a toaster that burns the toast?"
As the search engine in my brain took off in a slightly foggy, early morning quest for the answer, it bogged down. I couldn't answer. I didn't know what to say. Within a split second my brain processor had eliminated "To toast other things that require higher settings," because there was nothing I could think of that you toasted on the highest settings of a toaster.
I also had eliminated the response "For the bagels," quickly realizing that bagels require an even lower setting because otherwise the edges burn. Pop tarts require lower...
Holy Cow. Dylan had asked a question to which I was stumped. "Why does a toaster have a setting that burns toast?"
It's not the first time I couldn't answer a question, but usually the questions I can't answer revolve around school subjects like Texas History, of which as a non-Texan I've been spared, or algebra, or kid needs like how to string a guitar or reinstall XP. Usually when it comes to basic kitchen appliances I am master of my domain.
So what is the answer? Why is there such a high setting on a toaster? Did a design team in some factory decide to add hotter settings just because they could? Did a marketing person suggest "more settings" as a way to get ahead of the competition and provide more fodder for bullet points in an ad? Did an executive devise the idea as a way to raise prices? Is it a conspiracy between bread manufacturers and toaster producers, perhaps combined with the power companies and big oil to get us to use more energy, burn bread thus increasing the rate at which a loaf is consumed...are the farmers and the grocery stores and the bakeries all in on this?
Or is this just a symbol of the waste that has been occuring in America as we add bells and whistles and heat settings to appliances that no one needs but that require more materials to provide thus more jobs and more expense and the resulting ability to charge consumers more money for the same old thing?
I don't know. If you think about it too hard it makes your head hurt. I'm sure my son forgot his question and hasn't given it another thought. I on the other hand have been pondering it off an on for about 28 hours now. Subconsciously, but still.
Out there somewhere is the guy (I'm guessing) who designed my GE Bagel Switch 4 Slice Toaster. He (or she) knows why there is a setting on a toaster that burns toast. He or she probably also knows what cooks in a toaster on the highest setting. If anything.
Jack Welch probably knows the answer. I don't know the answer. I'd like to know why my toaster has a setting on it that burns toast. Does this make sense? To anyone? Can something be done about this? Is there a watchdog group out there that needs a cause? Why hasn't Congress brought in witnesses? Why hasn't this issue been raised before...
I for one plan to use this newly acquired realization to remain above the influence. I plan to keep my toaster set conservatively on 6. I suggest, dear reader, that you heed my advice and do the same.
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