Incongruity

At the risk of turning away some avid readers of this blog (welcome back both of you), I am going to share something very personal. If you're here because you're interested in publicity or copywriting services, please back out of this blog and back into http://www.outreachpr.com/copywriting.htm (my website) for a visit to my portfolio. Otherwise, get ready for something a bit .... out there.

If you're still here, remember, I warned you. This is personal.

I believe in God, and as such I pray. I took to reading the bible a few years ago, and I have learned a lot. At this point I know I have read the entire bible at least a couple of times in my life. I go to church in spurts. I've been in an off-spurt for about six months, maybe a year. Before that I was in an on-spurt for a year or so. That's sort of the longest on-spurt of my life, but it was significant.

Anyway, what I do know is that since I turned over all my troubles and concerns to God, I've been much more at peace. When you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and you're trying to make ends meet, achieve your client objectives to ensure continued business success, etc., it can be tough.

Before I gave my problems over to God I used to wake up in the middle of the night worried. I worried about whether a certain editor would write a story for a certain client. I worried about getting my work done and where the next work after it would come from. I worried about cashflow and paying my bills. I worried about my kids, their friends. I just worried. Things always seemed to work out, but I sure worked hard to make everything happen. Since I gave the worrying part over to God, it's a lot easier.

Now I focus on solving the problems, not worrying about them. I have more work than I can possibly do, with quality people who pay me when they say they will what they say they will. I didn't go find these people. Somehow they found me. Each and every one of them make my world somehow better. I help them promote their businesses and create awareness of their events and activities and I hope I make their lives better too.

They did not randomly find me. I asked for them in prayer, and they came. Call it coincidence, call it good karma, call it effective internet marketing and brandwidth...whatever you call it, it's happened.

What I do with what comes my way, I believe, determines what else I might be "eligible for." I am on a path to the next level. I want to achieve for my kids and for my own future. I don't have a lot of choice, so I have to just keep plowing ahead.

The other day when I was praying, I got a message. This has happened maybe twice in my life. (Or at least only twice when I've had ready access to pen and paper or that I've been paying attention to the idea of a RESPONSE to my prayer.) This particular day I was making breakfast and praying and being very positive, and I got these words. I wrote them on my white board in my office, because it was so clear it was like someone said it outloud. I didn't know what any of it meant, and it was coming so fast, I just stopped, went into the office and started writing. Here's what the words, still there, say:

"Do you see the ridiculousness of your endeavors?"

and

"One person can't do it all."

and

"Incongruous"

There's more, but that's a lot. So we'll start there.

That day, after I got the kids off to school I jumped back into my routine and ignored what I'd written on the board, a little, but it was definitely on my mind. I began to look for ridicuolousness and incongruity. Wow. Those are heavy, heavy, way heavy things. Who talks to you like that? I looked up incongruity, flipped it to the positive, and started evaluating my day based on the word "congruity." Pretty quickly, I found some, but not a lot. I saw opportunities for more.

I swiveled in my chair where back on the white board I'd written:

"Incongruity between your responsibilities and your lifestyle."

Wow. What does that mean? Which part of my lifestyle? Is it the "do everything for everyone while making enough money for the entire family" part? Hey, that fits with the previous thing: "One person can't do it all."

Other lifestyle issues: Hmmmm...this does get personal and although I never think about how my choices are "bad," but maybe they are. With all the work I have to do, do I really have time to go to the hockey rink four times a week, particularly when I have a spouse who is not incapable of making two round-trips if needed every few weeks at least. Can I make all the away football games, and drive taxi to the endless junior high social calendar, feed a neighborhood full of kids at the house all the time and keep the cupboards full of snacks and the fridge of drinks? Can all the laundry be clean and my clients still be served? And can I do this on my own?

No, probably not. But which part has to go. I've been evaluating. It really doesn't have to go away if I share the work. I've spent a lifetime meeting people who do what I do, but I've met very few -- maybe five -- that I would hire, and most of them are so good they're as busy or busier than I. There are another two that I would consider partnering with. Maybe three. Am I ready to give up the lifestyle and drive to the city? Do we need to change the way we get everything done so that I can have someone share the burdens and responsibility?

Also on the white board I see, from that same day:

"New Ideas"

"Seize"

"Leverage"

The day I wrote those,I remember, it was if the words were going straight from somewhere else through my arm to my brain...What the?!?!?

For the last week, with this pretty amazing conversation and documentation in mind, I've been evaluating my activities with more clarity. I've gone back and asked for focus, and I have received some, but I have a lot to figure out myself, as well.

I have been focusing on my responsibilities and evaluating my time management based on everything -- ridiculousness of the endeavor, who can help me do it (or if I can do it myself), my lifestyle, including how much sleep I try to operate without, my not infrequent evening or weekend escapes into a glass of wine (that can become a few and there goes the productivity or the interest in making dinner) and my personal need for either stimulation, focus or perhaps even medication to keep me going on the productive path. (I am one of the few unmedicated people I know. Is that in itself a problem? What is God's perspective on medication?)

Yep. It's all under the microscope, and it came not from my own mind, but from some mysterious voice. Perhaps that voice is in my head, but I really don't think so.

Can you take me higher? Let's go there....let's go there...The song by Creed is one of my favorites. I understand it better now.

If you need help understanding this, please don't hesitate to ask. I think that's part of what I'm supposed to do, and what I'm doing in my actions every day. Under a new microscope. It's an interesting place. I feel very honored to be getting direction from someone other than myself. It's hard to rely on me all the time.

Obviously, if you've read this far you have to understand that all of the above has caused a pretty brutal personal examination for me and for my work and for my life. My brain actually hurts, and I've honestly only gotten through the first half of this one converation. That whole second part -- the seize, leverage, new ideas thing is still out there. By nature I am not competitive or aggressive. I like to be comfortable and have worried about little else. I have passed up some of the most amazing opportunities that have honest to God dealt with superstars and incredible worlds well beyond my own existence. I didn't seize then and probably should have. I need to prepare to seize now. Times are going to get tough, so it's time to win the game.

First I have to master this universe.

I think my goal this week is to identify sources of help. If you're reading this and you're one of those, don't hesitate to let me know.

Far Worse than Ring Around the Collar

I grew up in the era when homemakers were proud women who took care of their families needs, cooked, cleaned, and made sure their husbands had delicious coffee to drink and "no dirty rings" around their shirt collars.

I remember my mom standing in our 1970s sunkin family room with the orange, black & brown shag carpet at the ironing board, ironing clothes while watching soap operas, the Watergate Hearings, and news, which when I was kid was a lot like an episode of G.I. Joe. Vietnam was raging, and every night on the news was like the opening of M.A.S.H., with helicopters whirring and young boys in fatigues running around.

My household is very different then that. My ironing board has never been in my living room, and in fact I have one that comes out of the wall in my laundry room, but I've never really used it. I send my husband's shirts to the dry cleaners or he takes care of them himself. I used to think I was pretty good at doing laundry, but after yesterday, I've decided differently.

In one fell swoop, yesterday I ruined my youngest son's entire "wardrobe." Fortunately that consists of t-shirts, but yesterday every one of his shirts ended up looking like something those guys on TV when I was a kid were wearing. Camo.

Now, how did I do that? Halloween actually did it to me. A week or two before Halloween the kids and the neighbor kids had been up in our attic digging around. They found my husband's hunting gear, which hasn't been used in at least 17 years, and adopted a pair of camo coveralls and the camo face paint for part of their Halloween festivities.

Sadly, the coveralls were in Dill's laundry, and the face paint was in the pocket of the coveralls, and I threw the whole mess in with about a dozen of his most favorite t-shirts and some other clothes. The best example of what happened is shown in the photo above.

Now I've been known to wash money, wallets, ipods, and telephones, because my children don't know how to clean out their pockets. If I'm picking laundry up off the bathroom floor, I rarely take the time to check all the pockets. You would think I would have learned, but I tend to be a slow learner when it comes to these types of chores.

Anyway, after four washings, the color still hasn't come out of most of the shirts. I plan to buy some of that OxiClean that guy screams about on TV to see if it will help, and if not, Dill will get a new "wardrobe" at Hollister this weekend.

Sometimes I wish times were different and I could focus solely on the chores of motherhood and wifedom. Instead, I have to make money every month to help keep this relatively crazy household afloat. Since I don't have what you might call a "real job," and haven't for more than a dozen years, I have to do that basically out of thin air every single month. To say that's pressure is an understatement. The fact that I'm even trying to do laundry at the same time should score me some points. But it doesn't. The kid with the ruined t-shirts (his favorites) gives me no points at all.

My neighbor who is almost 90 speaks of raising her kids and of the "help" she had. She had a full-time housekeeper and someone to tend to her four kids. She didn't work, but her husband was in the oil business and owned a company that did quite a bit of entertaining. Her job was the entertaining. She tells me that before he got home from work all the kids were scrubbed and clean, with combed hair. She had on a nice dress, make-up and pearls. Boy, is my house different than that.

When my husband gets home I'm usually still working. If it's a particularly busy day, it's quite possible I have on sweats and a make-up free face. If the kids are home, they certainly aren't scrubbed and clean either, and if it's toward the end of the week, it's rare that there are even groceries in the house, let alone dinner in the oven or on the table. The table is where the mail gets dumped, and where school books and backpacks and purses and other junk resides. I clean it off a couple times a week and we try to sit there and eat a few times every week, but most of the time we're running around to sports events, hockey practices, or I'm playing tennis. A lot of nights it's "fend for yourself" time with regard to food, or we're handing the kids money to go to town for pizza or burgers or Subway.

I gave up a while ago trying to be the perfect homemaker. Over the years I've been through spurts of having "help," and it was the best money I think I ever spent. I had a nanny when the boys were infants, and a sitter who spent the night when they were toddlers and pre-school age, back when I was in corporate and we had evening events to attend as part of my job. I have had cleaning ladies who kept my house looking spotless. But with the changes in the economy and the added expense of a son playing hockey, declining investments, and college looming on the horizon, I cut out a lot of the "extras" that I thought I could live without.

But after ruining my son's wardrobe yesterday and looking around my house, I think I need to reconsider. I need household help. I used to feel guilty being home, sitting at the computer while the cleaning ladies were working so hard, so I would leave and go work out. That made me feel even guiltier. But as I look at my mess of a house, and the ruined laundry, and the dirty dishes, I think I need to get some help once again.